prayer, distractions, and stuff…

I’ve been thinking about prayer a lot lately.

One of my prayers lately has simply been ‘Lord, teach me how to pray!’

I know that when the disciples asked that same question to Jesus, He taught them the ‘Lords prayer’, and I’ve been indeed praying that prayer a lot lately. But just saying, mumbling or even shouting words alone is not praying. Prayer is supposed to be communication, connection to the Supreme¬† Author of Everything and more…

So what I need is not to learn to say words, but to connect with God more. To learn how to communicate and be together with God, from within my soul. I’m tired of asking for stuff and telling Him stuff that He most probably already knows, I want to be with God.

And the contemporary evangelical worship music isn’t working that way for me right now most of the time. Ironically, as a vineyard worship leader I’m better at bringing people into worship with music than connecting to God myself while I’m playing that same music. I know I have the gift of letting the Spirit work through me this way, but sometimes it’s like like me as a channel being unaffected… I don’t know much about how those things work…

And my ADD is distracting me like always. It’s always harder for me to focus, except when I’m 100% interested and get into hyperfocus… Which doesn’t happen that often when I’m praying I’m affraid.

The strange things is that when I’m in crisis situations I tend to be so awara of God being near, and it’s natural for me to communicate with him.? How come that in the most hopeless situations I feel God closest? Why is my mind and spirit so blurred all the time, as if I’m living in automatic pilot mode? I’m wrestling with that… I need to have my heart and mind and soul renewed, and I need to let the Holy Spirit guide me. But in the end I’m just lost in pointless hazy thoughts…

Why is it so hard for me to focus????

Hmm, I’ve asked that question before. Time for a musical flashback, an old Bram Cools song in which I even sang choir myself, some kind of experimental lo-f/indie worship song, and one of the songs I do still playat those occasions I do perform live, as long as I have at least one person to do backings…

by the way, here is an interesting article with the weird title “prayer = sex with God” that I really like. Only for those who are at leat a bot mature both sexually and spiritually I guess, but I can connect with¬† what it says very deeply.

(and you are all allowed to pray fom me in this…)



One response to “prayer, distractions, and stuff…

  1. Hi Bram, my name is Jim, I’m in Guam. I found your site thru Eugene Cho’s site. I’ve been thinking about prayer also. It sounds as if GOD seems far away.

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